I have always been fascinated by families whose children seem to have a kind of unusual lines, as I reached the top of their career stairs, or more interesting to me, your incendiary clips or follow their emotions with amazing results.

What did their parents do differently to enable them? What really knows the researchers about what is effective in giving children the support they need to achieve success? Given that siblings are often different, what seems to be useful in all fields?

For my book, “The Family Dynamic: A Journey to the Mysteries of Sibling Sucess”, I met dozens of high experienced children’s parents and conducted interviews with more than 100 experts. As a mother of twin children who are now teenagers, here what I found is the most convincing.

You can provide all enrichment in the world and encourage your child to excel in school, but if they don’t understand the feeling of possibility, their academic strengths may take them so far.

I was amazed at the consistency of the parents of the parents whom I met, who encouraged their children to think great, feel hoped and survived.

Marilyn Hoilledd, one of three brothers from Talhaasi who became activists in the field of influential civil rights, told me that the unpopular slogan in her family was “everything is possible.” Also, Amalia Morja, who raises seven children in modest circumstances, has become many national figures (in charity, civil rights and federal courts), “with the help of God, all things are possible.”

One of the wonderful studies has shown that parents often do not know what they say when children say they do not want to take mathematics and science lessons that can be decisive for academic success.

The researchers followed by providing publications and website links to help parents adapt their motivational approach to their children. If their child wants to be professional football players, the parents may say, “Oh, when you are a professional athlete, you should be able to stay at the top of your financial resources, which may be very important in this payment scale.”

Telling children to focus on something practical will not inspire them. Instead, parents had to focus on what would make this learning seem valuable for their children, based on their interests. Dozens SAT for children whose fathers used this approach (compared to the indiscriminately appointed parents of control) ended with mathematics and science in ACT, which was 12 % higher.

One study He found this stuck with me that parents are often less than their children’s ability – and how much they will learn from serious attempt even in daily tasks.

The tried gave a 4 -year -old children in a children’s museum, the opportunity to wear themselves in hockey equipment to play, and some parents were reminded that children can learn to wear their clothes. Sit and let the child discover the different tapes and how to put the equipment, which they did successfully.

Children are more able than we think-and we know that when parents interfere, it is implemented, so we must encourage self-sufficiency, instead of being afraid of the smallest struggles.

Jenin Group, Olympic Mother, and a series of award -winning entrepreneurship, showed how to keep all plastic dishes and cups on the bottom cabinet floor in her kitchen, so that her grandchildren can present themselves.

Learning not only occurs from puzzles and books. This occurs in daily activities.

Especially since the epidemic, the growing psychologists have shifted to search for how to encourage hard work, and towards research on how to enhance the love of learning and deep curiosity.

It seems that many of the fathers who wrote about him in my book believe that travel was one of the ways to reinforce this, and some research supports this thinking. “It was very necessary to understand the world and himself,” said Emanuels – three famous brothers who were at the top of the areas of entertainment, political and biology ethics.

I remember an interview with my father, one of the amazing siblings who were so important to travel throughout the year for one large trip; They brought homemade snacks for two weeks so that they do not have to pay the price on the road.

What is common to all these lessons is that the parents whom I met brought love and joy to help their children grow. For the largest part, they were there to support their children, but they did not see themselves coaches and critics.

Diane Paul, Broadway’s director, was dancing at the American ballet theater at a very early age, but for her mother’s approach to me, he was an inspiring model. She said that her mother had a way to “watch without desire.”

Our mission is to expose our children to opportunities, and know them well enough to motivate them with love, then leave their own desires to make every drive they need.

Suzan Dominus I worked for New York Times Since 2007, first as a metro column writer and then as a writer in the New York Times. In 2018, it was part of a team that won the Politzer Award for General Service for its reports on sexual harassment at the workplace, and its article on menopause in the New York Times, won the National Magazine Award in 2024. She is studying the press at Yale University, and her new book, “.Family dynamics: a trip to the mystery of the success of the brotherhood“Outside now, follow it on Instagram suedinus.

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